Let's say that the number of sins we've done is x...

Hm. It's just nice that when I wish to type my first entry in a couple of weeks, blogger.com refuses to let me into the blog. Am currently using Notepad to prepare this... reflection of all sorts.

Hey, how's thing with everyone? I'm really sorry I haven't contributed anything for so long, was distracted by Gerak Gempur exams. Wasn't really taking it that seriously, but I was officially 'banned' from the computer, so... you get the idea. ('Banned' equals the monitor cable being locked up in a undisclosed area of the house)

I've missed this blog a lot. I haven't been visiting even during my short excursions online because I know I'll feel really bad seeing Ben updating it all alone. My apologies, comrade. I'll try and make it up to you by (hopefully) making a few entries today.

So without further digression (for the moment), here are my:

thoughts on numbers

While reading through this book, I was constantly confused by the usage of the number 12 for the tribes of Israel. For the most part of the book, references to the '12 tribes' do not include Levi. However, during the budding of Aaron's staff, only twelve staffs are labelled, one of them being of course Aaron's (representing Levi). It was when I read Joshua that I managed to find a logical answer to this quandary (at least it seemed like one to me). During the division of the land, one 'lot' of land drawn and divided among the tribes of Joseph, which are Ephraim and the half of Manasseh (the other half already having received part of Gilead east of the Jordan). My conclusion? Whenever Levi is not involved, Manasseh and Ephraim are counted as seperate, full 'tribes', while during situations where Levi is involved, the two tribes were combined as one tribe of 'Joseph'.

Before I go any further, I have to express some worries that my 'thoughts' are beginning to centre on my misgivings instead of the lessons I've learnt. I wonder, am I just writing to amuse my readership and forgetting what I should be doing in the first place? Maybe not. As I read through the Bible, I constantly am told of the 'textbook meanings' of each book or passage, whether by people or Study Bible notes or introductions slotted before the books. Some, like a few of the intros found in the Message and those found in Philip Yancey's 'The Bible Jesus Read', are refreshing. Others, such as Study Bible notes remind me of sermons I've heard before. Context is such a subjective thing. I guess I prefer to learn lessons myself rather than be simply told the messages others have agreed on for a passage. After all, prophecies about Christ (especially in the Psalms) were sometimes found places where the context appeared to be different.
 
The book begins with a census of the fighting men of Israel. These numbers actually are useful when compared to the figures of the census on the plains of Moab. Information on which tribes were most badly hit by the plagues and rebellions (or perhaps suffered from unfavourable birth to death rates) can be approximated. Simeon for example shrunk considerably during the years in the desert to slightly more than a third of the 59,300 men at the beginning of Numbers. Manasseh grew quite a bit, Asher and Issachar slightly less, while the rest remained about the same. My induction? Simeon must've had the most number of men involved in such atrocities such as the Shittim orgy... or maybe they just gave birth to a lot of girls.
 
The Message (yes, I've finally bought the book, no more relying on gospelcom.net!) calls Numbers the period of adolescence for the people of Israel in the Pentateuch. I would agree, because the book contains screw-ups aplenty by the Israelites. I think screwing up is one important part of life. Everyone needs to mess up and learn from it. Somehow humans just can't learn certain things without actually going through the pain of failure. And it is during our teenage years that we endure the experiences necessary for us to mature.
 
Situations such as struggles for priestly power were bound to happen sometime in the future. It was just as well that they did happen early on to set an example for those trying to override God's commands. Through the fates of Korah and his posse we can see how God punishes those trying to get glory for themselves and question the ones God have appointed. It's sometimes sad that these things still happen nowadays. Things such as court cases to challenge the validity of the appointment of leaders in Christian denominations simply have no reason to happen, other than human nature attempting to turn leadership of the church into yet another area for politics.
 
Moses' first recorded failure to follow God's commands in many years is also a grim reminder to us how even the greatest leaders are still susceptible to falling to our sinful human nature. Whenever we begin to forget that we are but the tools of God's divine purposes and start feeding our egos, sin will creep into us once again.
 
Balaam's experience with his donkey shows that whenever we're determined to do things our way and thinking about 'number one', we become blinder than our animals to what God is trying to tell us. It's like one of those over-the-top fables that embrace what we consider 'illogical' to hammer home a moral.
 
I struggle with listening to God myself. While I long to hear what He wishes to tell me, it's not often easy to tune in with all the other waves in the air and in my brain. Most of the time I find myself distracted by other thoughts and worries, if not signals from my five senses. Like the Israelites in the book of Numbers, I'm struggling through adolescence, trying to find God in my hectic everyday life. Like them, sometimes I feel like I'm just wandering in a circle that never ends.
 
I hope to get out of here way before 40 years.