Blazing Fire

evening
Originally uploaded by mincaye.

Hi Soo Tian,

Life is like a whirlwind. Sometimes, there is peace in the eye of the storm, and sometimes, everything just spins around us and we get thrown off centre... like the stuff I've been going through of late.

But I suppose it is instructive to remember that whirlwinds don't just whirl; they are blowing somewhere. By faith, we know that we're making some sort of progress, though God's purposes are truly as mysterious as the wind.


Peterson wrote, "You are quite right in not looking to me for answers, since I have a pretty low credit rating in that department. But it's just fine to want and expect companionship in the Way" (p. 54). Thanks to you, and the d'NAers, for being that kind of friend -- not a bunch of know-it-alls intent on dispensing advice at will.

He also hits the nail on the head in saying that "A lot of the Christian life develops 'underground' when we aren't looking" (p. 57). Even in the trials of the last 10-14 days, tumultous as they have been, I believe God was (and is) at work, developing something beyond comprehension.

Sometimes I wonder, does this Christian life also grow when it seems repulsive to others, when it seems as if we're straying away from the truth? Tien told me, not too long ago, that she believes that the initial falling away from God has something to do with the later falling into God.

"But this warning: you don't come to God by thinking but by praying" (p. 61). Maybe this is why our Father is breaking me lately. I have much abused my intellect prior to this, reading all sorts of complicated (by Michaelian standards, heheh) stuff and acting superior and all.

But I have not been praying. And I still find it hard. Yet these episodes of tearing me apart, also force me into silence. Perhaps some laying bare is required, to make it clear that what I have is, in the words of Eliot, what I don't have. Before I can be filled, I must be emptied.

Please pray that I will pray more. Which reminds, me: I have yet to read your Huggett book, Finding God in the Fast Lane.

On page 64, Peterson reminds us not to have any illusions concerning life and death: both are just as real. I suppose my MSN nickname (Mortalis) has in some ways embodied this, for it is what I often feel: not the 'happiness and blessings' sales pitches of our modern prosperity gospel, but the more sacrificial voice of a 'wounded healer,' to borrow a Nouwen term.

Speaking of which, Peterson also writes: "And... we... have the Eucharist by which we keep faith with both death and life." That reminds me, that the Nouwen book you have is about living an Eucharistic life. May it challenge and further encourage you along the way!

Especially in these wilderness times, I am even more grateful for the presence of all of you in my life. Peterson downplays the role of the so-called 'professional spiritual director' in favour of simply that of a friend.

You all are my mentors, my directors, the voices and lives through which God makes himself known in mine. Not because of your wisdom, but your folly. Not because of your strength, but your weakness. Not because of your adequacy, but your lack of it.

And in that tattered frame, God's wisdom is able to shine through, his strength able to uphold, and his grace made sufficient. Thanks for being vulnerable enough to share the journey with such a fallen one as I.

Our Master does have a sense of humour. To borrow a picture once painted by Max Lucado, indeed I think the heavenly hosts laugh at us d'NAers at first, and then laugh a whole lot more with us.

Will be busy with exams this week; thanks for keeping the site up. I shall join you soon. Au revoir!