(an apology is in order here)

Hi Soo Tian.

I am very, very sorry for taking so long to put it my entry. It's been over a week, and I guess I just let many things get in the way; I should not have done that. Forgive me.

I went through part of Peterson's book, and below reproduce some excerpts I found inspiring, along with some of my thoughts:


'The church is... a super-natural community. And the super in that word does not mean that it exceeds your expectations; it is other than your expectations, and much of the other is invisible to you as yet.' (p. 27)

As I begin to understand d'NAers better, I realise that I am not in a community of super-Christians who are the epitome of Christlikeness. Instead, we are all imperfect beings with more flaws than beauty. Indeed, it has been a journey of discovering the 'otherness' of expectations.

'We have so little encouragement to cultivate emptiness, that when the weather does it for us, it strikes me as a gift. Without self-emptying, how can we be ready for Spirit-filling?' (p. 31)

Rain. Ever since a meeting I had with Sivin at BLC on 27 May 2005, it has always held for me a special significance.

'... the Holy Spirit grows the spiritual life in you, forms Christ's life in you, in the particular conditions in which you live...' (p. 33)

Yeah, I'm finding this truth very difficult. It is an extremely daunting thing to believe that the spiritual life is being woven into the fabric of mundaneness; so much easier to be impressed by visible stuff like big rallies.

'I had a friend years ago who always bought inexpensive Bibles; each morning he ripped out a fresh page, stuck it in his shirt pocket, and at odd times through the day pulled it out and read a few lines at a time.' (p. 38)

Do we sometimes 'respect' the Bible so much that we're content to let it remain on display, no more than a white elephant?

'Spirituality then becomes an elitist activity... No more mystery. And only as much of God as they think they need to legitimize their spiritual selfism.' (p. 43)

Yeah, when God can be explained away and boxed up... hang on, did I just say 'God'? No, he would cease to be God.

'For even though you weren't giving God much of your life those years, at least in a believing way, he was spending considerable time and effort on you the whole time. Now that you have your degree, let's see how he will use you.' (p. 44)

What kind of relentless God is this who still works on even those who shun him?

'The Christian life is not romantic. And it certainly doesn't assume the best in everyone -- particularly preachers. In some ways we assume the worst, but without despair, for it is because of this "worst" that we are in the salvation business, not out selling religious cosmetics.' (p. 48)

A relief, indeed. So much of religion is about cosmetics and looking good. And many don't have the chance to just be themselves without getting a lot of negative criticism.

'... a considerable number of people in North America wondered whether religion could be marketed as a consumer product for just such ninnies... Their basic strategy is to locate an area of dissatisfaction in modern life, and then promise God, or something that has to do with God, as the solution.' (p. 51)

As if Jesus is the answer. As if Jesus is something we bring into our lives. Nay, he says, "I am the way!" And it is we who enter into his life, into God's kind of life. God is NOT a consumer product. The disciplines are anything but easy; and certainly not the 'easiest solution' to present troubles.


How are things? Is the weariness lifting? I presently feel rather dry spiritually. Most of it can be read off my blog; it has indeed become an avenue for me to express myself -- my transparent self. Sometimes people tell me that it's hard to write their innermost feelings on their blogs, lest they offend readers. I don't seem to have that problem. Maybe because I know those who read my blog are aware that anything could appear up there. Thanks; you're one of these faithful readers ;-)

I am still struggling with being honest with myself. My identity has become fuzzier and fuzzier by the day, and sometimes I wonder where I'm headed. Hope, if there is any, seems faint. And I do not deserve to call myself a Christian.